Too Little, Too Late
A few months ago, my mother called me to tell me that I received a letter from a young lady in Los Angeles, California. I was shocked for two reasons. One, I haven’t lived at my mother’s house in years and two, when letters go to your mother’s house from a woman, it’s usually not a good.
See, I had just gotten married and I knew this was one of those letters that could bring drama to my marriage, but when she told me the name on the return address, I knew it wasn’t a ” You are the father of a baby boy/girl. Please pay up” letter because I barely kissed the girl and plus the last time I saw her, I was 12. That’s right, 12 years old, so why is she sending me a letter some 20+ years later?
I asked my mom to read the letter to me. I know my bravery could have been stupdity, but I was cool. The letter was about how she had bounced back from hard times over the years and wanted to focus on the positive aspects of her life. She said she thought about reconnecting with “good men” in her life and she thought about me. I was flattered, but Damn, I was 12 years old. She went on to ask if I would give her a call, email her or write her back, just to let her know that her efforts weren’t in vain and to see how I was doing.
After talking with my mother, I told her to give me her info and she could trash the letter. The firts thing I did after that was share it with my wife to see what she thought. She began to tell me the story from a woman’s point of view. I was shocked at her insight.
What did my wife say? She said that woman get to certain point in their lives when the decide who would make a good husband, a good father, has a good family, good job, sense of humor, etc. Then they evaluate every man in their lives by those categories to see if he is worth re-connecting with for the future. She told me everything she said in the letter. She recommended that I reach out to the young lady and provide her with some closure. Let her know I was happily married and wished her well. That way she can move on to the next person on her list.
I told a friend of mine about the letter and the conversation my wife and I had about the letter. He was suprised at her insight as well.
Anyway, I called the young lady and we spoke for a minute. I told her where I was in life, that I was happily married, closed the loop and that was it. It was very easy and kind formal like when a telemarketer calls. The funny thing is that almost a week later, my friend’s mother told him that he had a letter from a woman at her house.
The moral of the story is that women understand women better than men do. So sometimes it’s better to listen to your woman because my woman was dead on with this one. At a certain point in people’s lives, they are not just keeping in contact or reconnecting for no reason. It usually comes with some underlying motivation.
May 22nd, 2007 at 10:47 am
I had something like that happen to me a few years ago too, except I didn’t have your wife’s insight to help me along. I was single at the time, so I reconnected with her and she came in town for a visit. She made me uncomfortable the whole time and It never worked out. After reading your post I can see that my friend had evaluated her life as well. She kept praising me and saying how she knew how wonderful I was — I hadn’t seen this girl since the 8th grade. She was so forward like she needed to catch up on so much lost time that it pushed me away. Who knows, she might have been a great partner if she would have taken it a little easier.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:50 pm
This is the reason why a mans wife needs to be his best friend. The insight that a spouse can give, is different that that of your boy, or your dad on issues involiving the opposite sex. First when you take this type of information to them it lets them know that you know they’re on your team. Second it let’s them know that you aren’t looking for a free agent on the market either. Lastly, it lets them see the lines of communication are open and that you want to hear what they have to say. Bottom line is that you have helped 2 women feel better about themselves in different ways, and thats a good thing no matter what!!!