A Letter to Single Dads
Every year millions of families are forced to deal with the aftermath that derives from a divorce. It is estimated that a young couple marrying for the first time have a lifetime divorce risk of forty percent. It is also estimated that eighty-five percent of the time, children from these divorced couples end up being raised by the mother. In short, mothers are being awarded custody; while many fathers sit and watch it all unfold.
The reason for this lax attitude has a lot to do with how men initially view the family court system. When a man steps into an arena, whether it be a judicial arena, or a sports arena, he expects the rules to be fair. He assumes that the keeper, i.e. judge, will regulate the event with the skill and confidence needed so that both sides can agree and move on. Unfortunately this is not what happens in family court, and men continue to arrive unprepared and leave dumbfounded.
For example, I know men that will practice for weeks before a big game, meeting, or power lunch. However, when it comes to dealing with an issue in family court, they will simply wing it, thus placing the matter in the hands of a poorly structured family court system; a system that has proven to be bias towards men, a system that has the power to strip you of all rights with regards to your child. I’m here to let you know that winging it can no longer be an option when it comes to your children. Single fathers must take a more aggressive approach when dealing with the family court system. I wrote this article with intentions to not only inform single fathers about the harsh realities of divorce, but also to enlighten them about the legal and emotional obstacles they will face.
Being a part of your child’s life is the most rewarding thing in the world. As a father you have the ability to change someone’s life for the better. All you have to do is step up to the plate and play your part. My personal experience within the confines of the family court system was a heart wrenching roller coaster ride of hell. It left me both shocked and appalled. This system is so bold that it need not hide its blatant biases towards men.
When you step into this world you will be carrying the weight of every so-called deadbeat dad in existence. It will be up to you to prove them wrong. You will have to show them that you are the exception to what they assume to be: The status quota. You will need the staying power, the perseverance to see this thing through to the end. When I look at the news and see some of these young teens that are causing havoc here in the United States, the majority of them all seem to have one thing in common: They are from a single parent household where the mother is the primary caretaker and the father is nowhere to be found. Does this tell you something? This is not rocket science that we are dealing with here. Single mothers need your help. I will agree that there are many ‘I do it all’ mothers out there that deserve to be congratulated.
However, there are just as many that do not have the skills needed to raise a child alone. Young boys and young girls are in desperate need for their fathers and it is our job as fathers to be there for them. So if you have been recently dubbed with the title of Single Dad, please take heed to what I am saying. Don’t let this process that you are about to embark on deter you from being a part of your child’s life. Their survival, their future depends on your involvement.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
I feel the exact same way. I wish more fathers would step up and do what they have to do, its a shame to have all of these kids out here with no fathers to be there for them.For any father who reads this, i hope your involved in your kids life. And if your reading this and you know somebody who isn’t doing what they have to do talk to them. give them this article and urge them to read this.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
I don’t know what it’s like to be a single father, but I can’t imagine not being in my son’s life.