Being Single… Again
People have told me that I “wear divorce well,” whatever the hell that means. I take that back. I know what they mean. I seemingly handled my divorce like a trouper, when in truth, going through it was the most emotionally exhausting time of my life. If I can speak on behalf other divorcees out there, that’s par for the course, right? No matter how happy one looks on the outside, divorce isn’t easy. Acclimating to life after divorce isn’t much better.
There’s a period of mourning (you’ve lost love, family, and maybe friends, too), deep self-reflection (you question your decisions, why you married that person and how you ended up where you are) and a tough realization that you’re single again. You start thinking about your new label – “divorced,” “separated.” Will you tell people? What will they think of you when you do? It means something to have been down the road so many are aching to get down. You’ve been there, done that, and it’s no big deal anymore, and that bothers you. But now you’re starting over again.
Being alone didn’t bother me so much. In my mind, I needed that time to figure out what I wanted. I quickly found my own place, and spent much of that first year in that apartment, hiding from people I didn’t feel up to explaining things to. During the day, I hoped no one noticed the diamond ring missing from my finger. At night, I was free from any perceived assumptions about my troubled marriage. (It hit me later that people just don’t care about my life that much.)
That year of mourning is necessary. But day by day, you pick up bits of strength. After falling so hard, you’re ready to get up and out. If you’re like me, you find new hobbies, you explore new opportunities. You think about all those things you wanted to do while you were tied down, and you start doing them. I took that route, and my self-confidence was all the better. You get back in the dating game – and it ain’t always pretty — but this time you’re crystal clear on what you want. If you’re smart, you use your time alone to become a better you. You let your emotional wounds heal. You allow back in those close friends and family that really just wanted to be supportive in the first place. You open your heart to someone new, if that’s what you want. You laugh again, sincerely. And eventually, you realize your divorce doesn’t define who you are.
